#11-Poem-December 29- Wanted

Wanted by the girl I used to be
back to the days of
ignoring dreams
that came to mind

Putting away inspiration


She knocks
knocks
knocks

at the bolted door
smiles strawberry shortcake sweet through the glass
Makes it difficult to look away
Battling one sided memories
Forgetting of the
better tomorrows
Where’s my vision?

future fades before it.


Past-
an advertisement for better days
when I know it isn’t true
I never believed in magic
but why do I shiver so
as
the wall melts away
but
never do I see another side as

the future fades before it

crumbles
crumbles
crumbles dead away.

See-
how I can’t
dump the vague
so afraid of
what specifics might tell you.
Reminds me

I’m wanted by the girl I used to be.

The one who’s-
life was
just that vague
lies she
swore she’d never tell

she wouldn’t,
couldn’t ever tell you
how she’d really felt.

about
them
about
him

about you.


Afraid what she censored in her heart to be
the
bitter
ugly
truth

But I-
No I-
don’t want to go back there
to travel those haunted roads

the ones where the vegetation
grows on you
holds you down
so all you can do is
should do is
nod and smile
let its grip
take you away

I know those roads quite familiarly
better than the back of my hand…
if ever I knew such a thing.

Screamed to her-
I WON’T GO BACK

She stays
stands at the window
whispers truth

But I am not that girl anymore

So I can
Rip way that false symmetry
and fill the vacant space with
what I’ve come to know

Surprise awaits her as

I’m wanted by the girl I used to be

So I’ll
push those locks farther
board the windows up
turn on my new found sunshine
drink it from a paper cup
pull the blinds between our minds


and hope that she’ll give up.